The Reluctant Tai Chi Teacher

Though I've been practicing Tai Chi for 13 years and teaching it for 6, I feel uncomfortable calling myself a master. My master was a colleague named Quyen Tran, who taught Tai Chi at the fitness center run by our employer. All of Master Tran's classes were well attended, and there were always a few beginners at every class. We would first to a warm up and then practice the 28-position, Yang short form together. Then he would break us into beginners and advanced students. An advanced student would be given the job to teach the beginners the form. The advanced students would practice mastering or going deeper into the subtleties of the form.

After several years of practicing, Mr. Tran one day told me to go to and practice with the advanced students. This was a bit surprising because I didn't feel I had mastered the form. I relied on whoever was teaching to call out the moves, to tell me when to breathe, when to raise or lower my arms, and when to shift my weight and step. I wasn't frustrated by not mastering the form. Practicing Tai Chi made me feel so good, it was enough to follow along. I loved the class so much and rarely missed a class over the years.

After several more years, my master said he would be retiring in a few years. By this time, there was a core of people who were the old-timers. Some had been practicing with Mr. Tran ever since he began teaching. These were the advanced students whom Mr. Tran would call on to teach the beginners. One day, all of the old-timers were absent, and when Mr. Tran broke the class into two, he pointed to me and said "You teach the beginners, today."

I was shocked. I didn't feel I had mastered the technique. For example, when trying to practice on my own, I could never remember all the moves and transitions between the positions. So I was very uncomfortable when I stood in front of my "flock" of new students and began to teach. I made some mistakes, sure but the students didn't notice. But I still didn't remember all the moves. During the next week, I watched a videotape of Master Tran performing the routine, and I took notes and made a cheat sheet. At the next class, he asked me to teach again. I made fewer mistakes and to my surprise I was able to get through the entire set with the students. I had learned the form!

Sometimes we do not know what we have within us. It takes someone to recognize it and call it forth. There is a wonderful Buddhist saying that goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." An article I once saw said, "be a good teacher or get out of the way." In Mr. Tran I found the perfect teacher--he appeared when I was ready (after practicing for many years and had demonstrated that I was serious), he brought out what was inside, and then he stepped out of the way by making me teach. Through teaching I learned the form even better, and every time I practice, I learn something new. Tai Chi has become a life-long learning event for me and that is why I still feel it is a work in progress.